10 Things I've Learned as a NEW Parent in 2015

1.I've gained weight quicker than a sleeping bag in the rain.

2.Tidying up isn't a job you can finish - it's a constant work in progress.

3.Sleep is an old friend I've lost touch with.

4.Without coffee I am nothing.

5.When your baby laughs the world makes sense.

6.I've never been skydiving but I can't imagine that experience comes close to the exhilaration of getting both twins to nap simultaneously.

7.My personal standards are now lower than an earthworms arsecheek. I leave the house with stains on my pants most days.

8.Babies give you endless new material to write about but zero time to write it.

9.I'm proud of the NHS. On this day last year we received some heartbreaking news about one of our little boys at a routine pregnancy scan. Due to the diligent, professional and compassionate care we received from NHS staff we now have two healthy, happy babies a year later. Thank you.

10.I'm fucked if I'm staying up till midnight tonight.

Thanks for all your support in 2015 and I hope you all have a happy and healthy 2016 :)

Sam x

(I'm a stand up comic and dad of twins. Follow my blog on Facebook here.)

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