The Secret Diary of a 7 Month Old (Part 8)

MONDAY

Big people kept checking my nappy all morning. Then when I finally did a poo they found it disgusting. Not sure what else they were expecting to be honest.

TUESDAY

Had the most amazing dream last night. About milk, mainly.

WEDNESDAY

My bum got really sore today and I panicked - thought it was another tooth coming through. Think it's just a rash.

THURSDAY

Screamed my head off at the shops today. Everyone was staring. It was fantastic.

FRIDAY

Finally learned how to blow raspberries, properly. None of this dribble-down-your-chin nonsense. That's for amateurs.

SATURDAY

I wish they’d stop wiping my face after meals. What if I want to save some for later? Wipe my bum all day long but keep your hands off the face.

SUNDAY

The big people gave me cuddles today when I was sad. Felt much better. Think I’m starting to warm to them.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my parenting blog on Facebook. (Or go to the top right of this page)

Comments

replicas rolex said…

Hoy, en la era de los replicas omega
conectados -que desde el grupo se contempla desde la lejanía pero con soluciones inteligentes y alternativas-, el Conquest V.H.P. constituye un nuevo hito en la era del cuarzo, ya que combina relojes imitacion ultra-precisión, alta tecnología y espíritu deportivo de corte elegante.

1 April 2017 at 04:09

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids. 2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous. 3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days. 4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026. 5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number. 6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested. 7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake. 8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late. 9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son. 10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them. I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both '

The Time I Screamed at my Kids

Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q

We Have a Winner!

Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle. I'm also heading b

Sam Avery

Search This Blog