The Secret Diary of a 7 Month Old (Part 7)

MONDAY

More visitors today. One of them had the worst breath and kept kissing me on the cheek. Puked right down his jumper sleeve. He won’t come near me again in a hurry.

TUESDAY

Still haven’t pooed. Been about four days now. I’m sure this isn’t right. I should probably speak to someone.

WEDNESDAY

Managed to store some food in my neck folds for a snack later. They’ll never find it there.

THURSDAY

Woke up dead early this morning singing. Everyone got out of bed. I went straight back to sleep. Who doesn’t love early mornings?

FRIDAY

MY TOOTH! IT’S HERE! Thank god the pain is over and I can just get on with my life. Celebrated by putting stuff in my mouth all day.

SATURDAY

Big people fed me but then went on to feed themselves. Seemed really selfish to me. I kept opening my mouth really wide but they wouldn’t share. Good job I stashed some food in my neck again.

SUNDAY

Got taken out and put in a massive bath today with loads of other people. They dunked my head under the water which was horrible. Wanted to cry but didn’t. They dunked me again. I cried. They dunked me again which made me finally do a poo I thought would never end. They didn’t dunk me again. We went home.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page)

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