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10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#9)


1.When choosing which twin to take in the swimming baths it’s always good to choose the one who’s already had a massive dump.

2.Prams should come equipped with big fuck off horns.

3.Repeating the word ‘sleep’ to your baby in different accents of varying quality is not effective in the slightest.

4.When shouting ‘HELLO BOYS!’ to your sons in a camp voice down the hands free phone in your stationary, open-windowed car, it’s good to check first if there’s several butch men standing nearby who may misinterpret you.

5.You can be so exhausted that your face changes shape.

6.The most romantic thing I can do for my wife these days is move the baby monitor to my side of the bed.

7.You can’t use reverse psychology on a 7 month old.

8.If I could teach my sons just one thing it would be that sleep is really good for you when you’re tired. (Like, REALLY good.)

9.You should always remove socks before changing a nappy. Always.

10.‘How many poos can you possibly do in one day?’ is not a rhetorical question to my sons. It’s a challenge.

(Read #10 here)

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