Skip to main content

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#8)


1.Putting eye drops into a wriggling seven month old is harder than playing Jenga on the bus.

2.Just because a song from a toy is catchy doesn't mean it's good. Ebola is catchy.

3.Your kids being born is the best day of your life but getting a tumble dryer comes a very close second.

4.Wearing your wife's maternity pants 'as a joke' can open your mind to new experiences.

5.Traffic Wardens are not sympathetic to the plight of teething twins at home.

6.Teething Twins is a great name for a 1980's New Romantic band.

7.We need to clean between the sofa cushions more often. I found some baby sick so old it needed carbon dating.

8.Humming the Benny Hill theme during nap time gets your jobs done quicker.

9.Between dusk and dawn my foot becomes a magnet for squeaky floorboards.

10.Getting a baby to sleep when they're full of snot is tougher than a Wetherspoon's steak.

(Read #9 here)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

3 y/o kicks me in balls...

3 y/o kicks me in balls I fall to ground He offers to kiss it better I politely decline He gets upset I explain nuance of appropriate behaviour while writhing around in total agony Wife arrives I ask her to kiss it better She declines with fury Will cherish these family memories  šŸ’—

TOUR ANXIETY DREAMS

Had my first anxiety dream about the tour last night - despite everyone having tickets nobody turned up because there was a national babysitters strike... šŸ˜‚   (I had no pants on either but that’s standard for anxiety dreams isn’t it, guys? Guys?) So please do ensure you book a non-unionised babysitter before getting your tickets here:  bit.ly/LearnerParentTour Tour starts in October and runs through till next March. Can’t wait to see some of you there.  šŸ‘ šŸ¤“