1.I don’t
care that the daughter of your friend’s sister had twins. I’m just a man in
Asda trying to buy milk.
2.Walking
round in public with baby sick stains on your crotch is only acceptable if
people see you’re with a baby, otherwise you’re just a weirdo.
3.Your baby
pooing in the bath stops being funny after the 11th time.
4.Until
you’ve put a four-day old soiled muslin cloth to your nose to check if it’s
clean you have no idea what the phrase ‘rank smell’ means. No idea at all.
5.Pureed
roast dinners are well nice.
6.On the
right day, after the wrong night, running out of coffee can make you want to
weep uncontrollably.
7.Imitating
your son’s ‘Poo Stare’ will scare your wife more than any trick or treaters.
8.A baby
that won’t nap is more stubborn than the last bit of ketchup in the jar.
9.Making my
7 month old twins laugh uncontrollably with a silly noise feels better than
making 500 strangers laugh with a crafted routine.
10.Some
parents want their kids to go to a redbrick university or take over the family
business. I just want mine to stop emptying their arses all over the sofa.
(Read #8 here)
(Read #8 here)
I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page)
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