The Secret Diary of a 6 Month Old (Part 2)

MONDAY

Waited till they dressed me in a brand new outfit and then puked everywhere. Managed to get some on the curtains. Best. Day. Ever.

TUESDAY

Tried to wriggle off the end of the sofa but the big people stopped me. They have no sense of adventure.

WEDNESDAY

Pooed myself awake this morning. It definitely gets your day off to a brisk start. If I can keep this up I won't ever be late for anything.

THURSDAY

Tried to eat my bib for dinner. It tasted amazing, much better than that stuff they shove towards my face all the time.

FRIDAY

Got left next to another little person today, for ages. I think they expected us to be best mates but we had nothing in common really.

SATURDAY

Woke myself up crying because my dummy had totally vanished. Big people pointed out it was in my hand. Felt embarrassed but didn’t show it.

SUNDAY

Screamed for my food at dinnertime and then screamed because I didn't want food. I don’t understand why the bib wasn't on the menu. Who is actually in charge here?

To be continued...

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page)

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4 April 2017 at 08:22

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