10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week #5

(Read last #4 here)

1.Blaming your baby's trumps on your partner never gets old.

2.Bathroom breaks are legitimate little holidays now. I won't rule out sit-down wees at some point either.

3.If you get too close to the baby monitor with the receiver the babies will wake up thinking they're at Download Festival.

4.It's easy to forget this and do it two days running.

5.Some sleepsuits are harder to get into than RADA.

6.People on the next table in Starbucks aren't as fascinated with your baby's bowel movements as you are.

7.Sleep deprivation is a tit. I queued for 5 minutes behind a row of empty parked cars.

8.My opinion on weaning poos fluctuates more than the weather. I'm a fan again this week.

9.One of our twins needs to play a lot of sport when he grows up as the way he's eating Channel 5 will want to make a documentary about him.

10.Using the baby change facilities when there's a queue makes you feel like you're on an episode of 'The Cube'.

(Read #6 here)

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page)

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10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids. 2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous. 3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days. 4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026. 5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number. 6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested. 7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake. 8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late. 9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son. 10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them. I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both '

Sam Avery

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