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The Secret Diary of a 23 Month Old (Part 36)

MONDAY
It really boils my piss when the Big People laugh at my tantrums. I know to them it probably appears that I’m just losing my shit at every possible opportunity but they must understand, different things matter to me. I’m not an adult. I don’t have a career or a mortgage. My teeth are killing and my only proper friends are my relatives so when you sing the wrong verse to Old McDonald it totally feels like the end of the world to me.

TUESDAY
Watched a brilliant video on Mummy’s phone of some kids dancing into their Daddy’s room when he was having a meeting. If my Daddy ever has a conversation anywhere near that important I’m definitely going to do the same. Those kids are an inspiration.

WEDNESDAY
Went to the park but they wouldn’t let me off those stupid reins. Kept telling me it was just my special ‘Big Boy Bag’ I had to wear. What kind of bag has a big fuck-off lead attached to it? I’m not stupid you know. And anyway, I only wanted to run down the hill and across the busy road so I could dive in the lake. It’s perfectly safe. I saw a little dog in the same position who looked equally pissed off. We shared a moment but then he licked my head and I started crying.

THURSDAY
Discovered the word ‘no’ today. (Also known as NO! or noooooOOOOO!) Total game changer. Maybe I’m late to the party but it’s so flexible. You can literally apply it to any situation and it totally works, even when you actually mean yes. I love it that much I even woke up in the middle of the night randomly shouting it for absolutely no reason.

FRIDAY
Big People keep telling me to be careful all the time. ‘Be careful near that table!’ ‘Be careful with that spoon!’ I’M A TODDLER. I AM BEING CAREFUL. It just so happens that I don’t actually give a fuck.

SATURDAY
Went to a disco with a bunch of other kneehighs. A six foot tall, spotty squirrel was DJing and then hugging everyone. I stayed the frig away from that thing. To be honest, I’m not even sure it was a real squirrel. She was wearing trainers.

SUNDAY
Chicken Pox. Must have caught it off that squirrel. Bastard.

I post a new 'Secret Diary' to my FB page every Tuesday...I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins...I'm also on Instagram...

Comments

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Anonymous said…
Most often the bag itself is made from a natural fiber or material. Silk satins and velvets are popular choices as are cotton fabrics. Lightweight to moderate leathers can be used for heavier pouches and large replica handbags as well. These can be machine or hand-sewn depending on your equipment, time and skill. Remnant bins at fabric stores or the leather scrap barrel at the craft store is a great place to find a new medicine bag. Or you can find something pre-made.f the medicine bag is larger, like the size of a purse, they can be repositories of bigger items that hold personal power for you or some of your magickal tools.more information at:http://www.cheapsbags.co.uk/category/chanel-replica/.A magic pouch might protect a deck of tarot cards when they aren't being used, or you might assemble a special one that you can wear if you were doing magickal work for manifesting or for healing work.
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BEST REGARD




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Thank you for reading my message.

BEST REGARD
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Unknown said…
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I am Michelle from San Francisco. i want to testify about powerful Dr keke Odin for saving my relationship.I must be one of the few who don’t have a trouble showing and telling someone how grateful I am for making my relationship a melodious and smooth relationship. I have been trying to be more positive about my relationship with my boyfriend, it seems like it has taken forever. Another lady took my Fiancee away from me and they both relocated. i cried and searched for him to come back but he refused to take my calls nor return my messages. My friend introduced me to a powerful spell caster called Dr Keke Odin who helped me cast a very powerful love spell that brought back my Fiancee in 24 hours. i was amazed and surprised when my fiancee called to beg me for forgiveness all because of the powerful love spell of Dr Keke Odin. dont fail to Contact Dr Keke through the following means if you have any Marrital or Relationship problem. his contact information are

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Unknown said…
Hey guys, get your ex back fast with the help of a real and genuine spell caster called (Dr.OBILUJESU). email him @ drobilujesuspellcaster@yahoo.com

I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored and my Wife is back after a breakup, After 2 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until she finally left me and moved to California to be with another man. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their mother again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my Wife. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr OBILUJESU can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my Wife really called me and told me that she miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for her mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr OBILUJESU. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr. OBILUJESU real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband/wife moved to another woman/man, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: drobilujesuspellcaster@gmail.com or drobilujesuspellcaster@yahoo.com , VIA: webs;; http://drobilujesuspellcaster.webs.com/
you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348143481000 ,
Dwan Scott, 34 years, Texas, USA..








Hey guys, get your ex back fast with the help of a real and genuine spell caster called (Dr.OBILUJESU). email him @ drobilujesuspellcaster@yahoo.com

I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored and my Wife is back after a breakup, After 2 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until she finally left me and moved to California to be with another man. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their mother again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my Wife. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr OBILUJESU can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my Wife really called me and told me that she miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for her mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr OBILUJESU. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr. OBILUJESU real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband/wife moved to another woman/man, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: drobilujesuspellcaster@gmail.com or drobilujesuspellcaster@yahoo.com , VIA: webs;; http://drobilujesuspellcaster.webs.com/
you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348143481000 ,
Dwan Scott, 34 years, Texas, USA..
Unknown said…
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Anonymous said…
ALL thanks to DR,KEN i never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is ANDY SIRI am from NORWAY. my lover Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months' ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old, A friend of mine kiddo Matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr KEN that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted this great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 24 hours my lover call me for the very first time after three months, that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can't believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr KEN for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great DR here is the email address: drkenspellcaster@aol.com OR call his telephone number +18038451572.
Anonymous said…
ALL thanks to DR,KEN i never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is ANDY SIRI am from NORWAY. my lover Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months' ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old, A friend of mine kiddo Matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr KEN that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted this great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 24 hours my lover call me for the very first time after three months, that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can't believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr KEN for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great DR here is the email address: drkenspellcaster@aol.com OR call his telephone number +18038451572.

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